Pleassseeee let me drive the bus!!!!

While at a truck stop in Baker today I'm walking with Kayla out to the car and I hear her yell in a very silly voice "No you can't drive the bus!!!" Then she laughs and asks the pigeon we were walking by.....Hey pigeon want a hot dog!!!! Just made me laugh!

Rugs

While at Target yesterday I noticed a whole aisle dedicated to a sell on rugs and towels. I have been wanting to buy new rugs for the girls bathroom for a little while, so I tell the girls to go choose the color they want....never did I think that on the end of that aisle were these bright pink shag style rugs :/ Remember on Steel Magnolias when M'lynn says "That sanctuary looks like it's been hosed down with Pepto-Bismol" Well right about now that's how I feel about their bathroom! But I love that despite my dislike for pink my girls love it and are such little girlie girls. And actually now every time I walk into their bathroom I smile because it just screams Jenna and Kayla and that just makes me happy!

Mommy...I don't understand

Today I bought Kayla a cute little Snow White costume that she fell in love with at the Disney Store, now my Kayla is VERY particular about what she wears and what she likes and she is known to choose an outfit in the store only to refuse to wear it when we get home....yes she is only 3, I know I'm in for it when she's 15! So am I at all surprised when we get home and I ask if she wants to try on the dress and she tells me no she is going to be Minnie Mouse for Halloween? No I am not! I might have been open to this idea except on the way home she got into the sack and tore off the tags, which means I can't return them..grrr (The Disney Store has a very strict return policy) So I then tell her, Mommy just spent a lot of money on your Halloween costume, I go on to explain that she choose it, and I give her about 10 reasons why she should wear it. When I'm finished she is looks at me with a perplexed look on her face and ask "Mommy I don't understand what you are saying, what does expensive mean?" I start trying to define it and I explain that she should be thankful that mommy and daddy buy her such nice things...she looks at me again and says "Mommy I'm not understanding what you are telling me...but don't worry I will wear the dress, you can stop talking!" Off she goes and put's on the dress, she then comes back to tell me "If you stop talking Momma I will be Snow White for Halloween"

I started laughing right then and there! That little girl had no clue what I was talking about! All she knew was that if wearing that dress would get me to shut up then she was going to wear it and be happy!!!

New phases

Ever have those moments in life when you know beyond any doubt that your life will never be the same? Today has been one of those day's for me, as I watched Jenna on her first day of Kindergarten I knew that my life from that moment on will be changed forever.
While I am so excited for Jenna and of course for me to be starting this new journey, I cannot ignore the sadness that I am feeling. Not just because of today, but on Thursday I will send my baby Kayla off to pre-school. While it is just two days totaling 6 hours per week I realize this all came to fast. I am not ready to share my babies, I am not ready to let them go.
While I usually try to stay positive and not post negative feeling for the world to see, today I am going to allow myself to post how I really feel...I truly am mourning the loss of my kids being babies! I feel my heart is aching for them to be tiny again! I miss changing diapers, nursing, sleepless nights, and big wet kisses!
For years while Justin and I tried to conceive these beautiful children I only imagined me as a mom to babies, in my mind I never saw beyond that and now that they are growing up I realize that those dreams have been fulfilled and I'm finding it's hard to let go.
I know that I have been blessed more than I ever dared to dream. I walked through hell and back to bring my girls into this world and while my mind tells me that should be enough my heart is secretly wondering is two enough? My own answer to that is yes of course two are enough, and I do know this beyond any doubt.
I have great memories of them being babies and I will always look back on those years as some of the most wonderful of my life and while I think I will always have these moments of longing for more kids (After all I am only 32) I know I am done and in reality I am happy with that.
I do love the ages they are right now, and I am looking forward to being a room parent, joining the PTA, and going on field trips! I am excited to see them grow, learn and make new friends, I truly am...but just for today I am choosing to pull out the baby pictures the baby movies and I may just dig out the preemie clothes (I will never be able to part with them) and just have a day of soaking in memories of a phase of my life that has come to an end.
I will shed tears today, but tomorrow I will be fine. Reality will hit me and I will start laughing hysterically because I will actually be able to go grocery shopping on my own, maybe get a pedicure, or even spend a whole hour in a book store, and then I will think my life in this moment is perfect and really I can ask for nothing more!

More summer fun!

Other than visiting family we rarely take vacations, so this summer one of my goals was to take the kids somewhere new. Then looking at the calendar and our budget I soon realized that a big vacation would not be happening for us! So Justin suggested we meet him in San Diego (he had work meetings down there) and take a mini vacation and even though it was only two days we had so much fun! It was nice just to get away, not have any plans, and just to live in the moment!

We first visited the Museum of Natural History and Art, the girls learned so much and we had so much fun watching them discover the world they live in!




We decided to stop by the Mormon Battalion in Old Town. To tell the truth I was not that excited to go, we had been years ago and I didn't think the girls would be that interested, but once we got there we discovered it had been completely remodeled. It turned out to be one of the funnest things we have ever done with our kids!


Hey Uncle Chad we found ton's of gold on our treasure hunt, next time you go Jenna will teach you how it's done!




Finished off the day by going to the beach to play and watch the sun set. The water was warm, the sky's were blue and the surfers were amazing to watch! As I sat and watched my family play I thought this is one of those perfect moments that you never want to have end.

Kayla is always cold at the beach, we have never gone when she did not end up being wrapped up in towels!

A rare picture of mom...usually I'm the one behind the lens!


We finished off with a visit to Sea World, and of course had another great day!





This was just the break I needed from life, it was short but so relaxing and fun!

Worries of a Mother

By nature I am a worrier, I thought that the excessive worrying and anxiety I felt while pregnant would end once I gave birth to my beautiful children, I was so very wrong! Everyday I worry over them. Are they happy, are they healthy, did they get their full serving of veggies and fruit, are they making friends, are the other kids being nice? I could go on and on!!! I know they must fall and get hurt, but every hurt they suffer I suffer and I think it is hurting me more than them! I hate to see my children sad it truly breaks my heart especially when I cannot fix what is hurting. I know I have a tender heart and so does Jenna she get's her feelings hurt so easily and while you think I would know how to comfort her little hurts of the heart it seems I cannot fix them all the time and I hate that! I do know the words I speak and the love that is behind those words will always stay with her and I pray that when she is hurting the worst she will know beyond a doubt that her mom loves her and would do anything for her!
No one tells you before you have kids how much your heart will ache with unconditional love and how much worry you will feel for them, I guess no words can describe such emotion! I now know that the worry of a mother begins at conception and will go on forever! My grandpa told me once he thought he would stop worrying about his kids once they grew up and left home, but once they left home is when he realized what it felt like to truly worry! I think for now I just need to stop and breath have faith that all my love will be enough!

part 3.....

My kids loved this so much I decided I needed to add it! We went to the Pirate Dinner Adventure last night with Justin and his employee's. Jenna got to help fight the bad pirates and Kayla kept making a silly pirate face saying arrggg!


So this is our summer as to date and I am loving it! loved having the family come, love getting to sleep-in a little bit later, going to the movies, the beach, the swimming pool in the back yard that I can't keep the girls out of! And all the other little daily things we do that make summer fun! Next week I'm off to go camping with the young women and yes I'm nervous to be leaving my family,I have never been gone from my kids and husband this long and I know I am going to miss them sooo much! After that we are heading back to Utah to visit my new little niece that is due in mid July! We are also going to try to fit in a little camping trip have no idea how we are going to squeeze that in, but we will!