Christmas Time

It's been two months since my last post, life just seems to be so busy and time passing so fast! It is Christmas time here in sunny California and other than decking the halls, for me it does not feel like Christmas. I am really missing the snow!!! Now that California is looking to be our home for a very long time, I have decided that I need to build new traditions with my own little family so that every year when it's December 1st and 80 degree's out it I will feel like it's Christmas time!

The first thing I decided I wanted to do is buy a real Christmas tree, and I have to say it worked better than I ever thought it would! Taking my kids to a real tree lot (not walmart) was SO much fun! They had flocked trees sitting out and as we pulled in my girls screamed with excitement that it had snowed...they were only mildly disappointed when I told them it was fake, and soon got over it when we got out of the car and started walking through the forest of trees. It smelled like Christmas and felt like Christmas!!!! It was fun watching the girls run from tree to tree trying to decide which was their favorite. Jenna of course chose the biggest widest tree the lot had to offer....at well over a hundred dollars and being much too tall for our house we had to tell her no, but we ended up finding the perfect tree for our home and I have to say it's probably the prettiest Christmas tree we have ever had! Once the tree was delivered and set up (best 15 dollars ever spent!) It was time to start decorating! Every year I buy the girls a new ornament, this is their first gift of Christmas. I choose one that represents the past year and their favorite things or just something that remind's me of them at the age they are now. This year Jenna got a Barbie ornament and Kayla Minnie Mouse. I write a letter to go along with the ornament and I keep the letter with the ornament. In the letter I tell them why they received the ornament they did and what it represented to me at the time I gave it to them!

The second decision I made was to dig out our Christmas village...although it was put up before the Christmas tree. Our Christmas village is something Justin and I started collecting when we were first starting out and we bought each piece with the thought of how much our "future" kids were going to love it! So it's a little ironic that after having those kids I decided that it was way too much work to put up! Although in my defense we did move 5 times from the time Jenna was 19 months old till she was 3 1/2 and managed to have Kayla during that time so really when I say it was too much work it truly was! Our village just makes me happy, it reminds me of my childhood and to see how excited my kids got when they saw it for the first time literally made me cry!

The third thing I decided to do was to set a goal of having all my Christmas shopping, baking and to do list done by December 17th, why the 17th? It's Jenna's last day of school and I want to be totally relaxed and have nothing left on a to do list the week before Christmas, and so far I am on schedule! I have 3 gifts left to buy and while next week is going to be crazy busy for me the following week will be all free time to have fun!

Fourth, Christmas is supposed to be fun so I have planned many activities to help us stay in the Christmas spirit! So far we have made paper chains, did the ginger bread house, went to Disneyland to see Santa, wrote and mailed our letters to Santa! and have the following planned:

1. For our next FHE we will be having a Polar Express night reading the book and this year I bought silver bells for the girls that we will give them to see if they can still "hear" the bells ring, then will watch the movie curled up with our mugs of hot chocolate!

2.We have lot's of baking planned and one night will go give our baking treats to our neighbors and friends.

3.We are going to visit the Shops to experience fake snow (It actually is kinda fun, and for a minute feels like winter!)

4.Taking a trip to Venture once Jenna is on break (Justin has to work their once a month) on our way home we plan to check out Universal Studios Grinchmas, we have passes this year (thanks Grandma and Grandpa!) But will not be renewing them so we want to check it out!

5.Going to the Chino Christmas parade, Jenna will be marching in the parade with her girls scout troop.

6.We have our ward Christmas party yes I'm excited because it's really the only one we will be attending! One of many things I miss about "home" Christmas parties!!!!

7. Go to Griffith park for the Christmas light festival.

8. While this list is super fun and busy one of my top goals has been to keep Christ in the spirit of all we do, everything we have done or plan to do I have had a lesson about why we do it in the spirit of CHRISTmas.

9. Christmas eve we will be spending with our good friends Joe and Kristien, we give our kids their Christmas Pajama's, read from the book of Luke and express why we are thankful for each other. We are very thankful to spend this time with our dear friends!

10. Finally the big day Christmas!!! Christmas is a free day for us I love staying home lounging in our jammies, letting the girls slowly open their gifts enjoying each one as long as they want, having a little brunch, playing with the new toys and then having what I like to call "Utah Dinner" Ham, funeral potatoes and rolls!

Our fun will not end on Christmas we are going to be heading back to Utah on the 26th and will be staying through new years!! I have two goals for Utah 1st snow sledding!!! 2nd take the girls to Temple Square my girls have not been since they were too young to remember! I love spending the week after Christmas in Utah and look forward to seeing our family and some old friends!!!!

So this is my Holiday schedule and while it took me a while to get into the spirit of it once I started focusing on the meaning behind the celebrating it now feels like Christmas! I am thankful for this magical time of year, to be celebrating the birth of our savior, and to show our love for him by giving to others. This really is my favorite time of year and maybe next year all I will need is to see the palm tree's strung with Christmas lights to get me in the spirit of things!!!!!

Pleassseeee let me drive the bus!!!!

While at a truck stop in Baker today I'm walking with Kayla out to the car and I hear her yell in a very silly voice "No you can't drive the bus!!!" Then she laughs and asks the pigeon we were walking by.....Hey pigeon want a hot dog!!!! Just made me laugh!

Rugs

While at Target yesterday I noticed a whole aisle dedicated to a sell on rugs and towels. I have been wanting to buy new rugs for the girls bathroom for a little while, so I tell the girls to go choose the color they want....never did I think that on the end of that aisle were these bright pink shag style rugs :/ Remember on Steel Magnolias when M'lynn says "That sanctuary looks like it's been hosed down with Pepto-Bismol" Well right about now that's how I feel about their bathroom! But I love that despite my dislike for pink my girls love it and are such little girlie girls. And actually now every time I walk into their bathroom I smile because it just screams Jenna and Kayla and that just makes me happy!

Mommy...I don't understand

Today I bought Kayla a cute little Snow White costume that she fell in love with at the Disney Store, now my Kayla is VERY particular about what she wears and what she likes and she is known to choose an outfit in the store only to refuse to wear it when we get home....yes she is only 3, I know I'm in for it when she's 15! So am I at all surprised when we get home and I ask if she wants to try on the dress and she tells me no she is going to be Minnie Mouse for Halloween? No I am not! I might have been open to this idea except on the way home she got into the sack and tore off the tags, which means I can't return them..grrr (The Disney Store has a very strict return policy) So I then tell her, Mommy just spent a lot of money on your Halloween costume, I go on to explain that she choose it, and I give her about 10 reasons why she should wear it. When I'm finished she is looks at me with a perplexed look on her face and ask "Mommy I don't understand what you are saying, what does expensive mean?" I start trying to define it and I explain that she should be thankful that mommy and daddy buy her such nice things...she looks at me again and says "Mommy I'm not understanding what you are telling me...but don't worry I will wear the dress, you can stop talking!" Off she goes and put's on the dress, she then comes back to tell me "If you stop talking Momma I will be Snow White for Halloween"

I started laughing right then and there! That little girl had no clue what I was talking about! All she knew was that if wearing that dress would get me to shut up then she was going to wear it and be happy!!!

New phases

Ever have those moments in life when you know beyond any doubt that your life will never be the same? Today has been one of those day's for me, as I watched Jenna on her first day of Kindergarten I knew that my life from that moment on will be changed forever.
While I am so excited for Jenna and of course for me to be starting this new journey, I cannot ignore the sadness that I am feeling. Not just because of today, but on Thursday I will send my baby Kayla off to pre-school. While it is just two days totaling 6 hours per week I realize this all came to fast. I am not ready to share my babies, I am not ready to let them go.
While I usually try to stay positive and not post negative feeling for the world to see, today I am going to allow myself to post how I really feel...I truly am mourning the loss of my kids being babies! I feel my heart is aching for them to be tiny again! I miss changing diapers, nursing, sleepless nights, and big wet kisses!
For years while Justin and I tried to conceive these beautiful children I only imagined me as a mom to babies, in my mind I never saw beyond that and now that they are growing up I realize that those dreams have been fulfilled and I'm finding it's hard to let go.
I know that I have been blessed more than I ever dared to dream. I walked through hell and back to bring my girls into this world and while my mind tells me that should be enough my heart is secretly wondering is two enough? My own answer to that is yes of course two are enough, and I do know this beyond any doubt.
I have great memories of them being babies and I will always look back on those years as some of the most wonderful of my life and while I think I will always have these moments of longing for more kids (After all I am only 32) I know I am done and in reality I am happy with that.
I do love the ages they are right now, and I am looking forward to being a room parent, joining the PTA, and going on field trips! I am excited to see them grow, learn and make new friends, I truly am...but just for today I am choosing to pull out the baby pictures the baby movies and I may just dig out the preemie clothes (I will never be able to part with them) and just have a day of soaking in memories of a phase of my life that has come to an end.
I will shed tears today, but tomorrow I will be fine. Reality will hit me and I will start laughing hysterically because I will actually be able to go grocery shopping on my own, maybe get a pedicure, or even spend a whole hour in a book store, and then I will think my life in this moment is perfect and really I can ask for nothing more!

More summer fun!

Other than visiting family we rarely take vacations, so this summer one of my goals was to take the kids somewhere new. Then looking at the calendar and our budget I soon realized that a big vacation would not be happening for us! So Justin suggested we meet him in San Diego (he had work meetings down there) and take a mini vacation and even though it was only two days we had so much fun! It was nice just to get away, not have any plans, and just to live in the moment!

We first visited the Museum of Natural History and Art, the girls learned so much and we had so much fun watching them discover the world they live in!




We decided to stop by the Mormon Battalion in Old Town. To tell the truth I was not that excited to go, we had been years ago and I didn't think the girls would be that interested, but once we got there we discovered it had been completely remodeled. It turned out to be one of the funnest things we have ever done with our kids!


Hey Uncle Chad we found ton's of gold on our treasure hunt, next time you go Jenna will teach you how it's done!




Finished off the day by going to the beach to play and watch the sun set. The water was warm, the sky's were blue and the surfers were amazing to watch! As I sat and watched my family play I thought this is one of those perfect moments that you never want to have end.

Kayla is always cold at the beach, we have never gone when she did not end up being wrapped up in towels!

A rare picture of mom...usually I'm the one behind the lens!


We finished off with a visit to Sea World, and of course had another great day!





This was just the break I needed from life, it was short but so relaxing and fun!

Worries of a Mother

By nature I am a worrier, I thought that the excessive worrying and anxiety I felt while pregnant would end once I gave birth to my beautiful children, I was so very wrong! Everyday I worry over them. Are they happy, are they healthy, did they get their full serving of veggies and fruit, are they making friends, are the other kids being nice? I could go on and on!!! I know they must fall and get hurt, but every hurt they suffer I suffer and I think it is hurting me more than them! I hate to see my children sad it truly breaks my heart especially when I cannot fix what is hurting. I know I have a tender heart and so does Jenna she get's her feelings hurt so easily and while you think I would know how to comfort her little hurts of the heart it seems I cannot fix them all the time and I hate that! I do know the words I speak and the love that is behind those words will always stay with her and I pray that when she is hurting the worst she will know beyond a doubt that her mom loves her and would do anything for her!
No one tells you before you have kids how much your heart will ache with unconditional love and how much worry you will feel for them, I guess no words can describe such emotion! I now know that the worry of a mother begins at conception and will go on forever! My grandpa told me once he thought he would stop worrying about his kids once they grew up and left home, but once they left home is when he realized what it felt like to truly worry! I think for now I just need to stop and breath have faith that all my love will be enough!