Baby Talk

I have finally decided to share with the world (by the world I mean the 3 people who actually read my blog!) what I have only shared with a few close friends and family, Justin and I are starting the process of adoption!!!!

This is something that we said we might consider after Kayla was born, knowing that I could not have any more babies....looking back now on that time I wish that I didn't make the choices I did then. I was tired and worn down and not in the right state of mind to make such a life altering decision. Now my heart is breaking that I made the choices I made, my heart longs for another baby in ways that I never thought I would fill again. I think the regret I feel comes from seeing the advancement in the medical field and the new help they can give to PROM patients (google it if your curious) Justin on the other hand firmly stands by the choice we made to have my tubes tied, and yes his is the voice of reason and logic that makes our marriage work so well and deep down I know he is right.

The baby thoughts started about a year ago when Kayla turned 3, and I realized I could no longer really call her a baby (although I still do when her little ears are not around!) It has taken us almost that full year to really think, pray, fast and pray some more about what our options for bringing another baby into our family would be. We have considered every avenue from me having surgery to re-attach my tubes, a sergeant which we both shot down very fast and of course adoption.

Adoption is the only choice that felt right to us, but even after having received our answer I was apprehensive about moving forward. We have gone down the adoption road before and it's a hard emotional process that for me I just needed time. Time to wrap my mind around all that would be required of us again. The second issue we had to face was the financial, let's face it adoption is expensive and we have been credit card free for 3 years now, with very little debt. We have some money saved but not enough to cover adoption expenses and while any baby is worth going into debt for, it is definitely something that takes serious planning and much thought.

Then the answer came in the least likely of places, I was waiting for school to get out and a mom standing next to me (Josie) started telling us that she adopted three of her five kids through the State of California's adoption program. That after she adopted her first baby the agency called her the next two times asking if she would take another. I asked her for more info and the next day she brought me a whole packet of information about her church and how they work with the county of San Bernadino to help place children/infants into homes who are in the foster care program right now. The program is almost completely paid for by the state, which for us will be huge blessing. Josie adopted her first daughter when she was 2 months old, her second was 6 months and her third was 9 months. So no we will probably not be adopting a newborn, for us that does not matter....I just feel a little giddy every time I think about having a baby in the house again I could care less about the age!

We got our first set of papers in the mail the other day and according to the social worker it will take us 6 months to a year to get approved and after that a baby is usually placed within two years. Yes that seems like a very long time to be waiting but we feel it's worth the wait and I know for me I will regret it three years later if we didn't at least try.

I have so many fears going into this, of course the biggest is the whole thing just not working out. This is something we have seriously thought about and all I can say is we have two wonderful girls, we are a happy family and I will always be grateful beyond measure for being blessed with my two little ones. For me I have to know I did everything I could to bring one more child into our family, I strongly feel this is the right thing to do and I know that if it is right then God will make it happen, if it's not meant to be... then that's that and I will be at peace with whatever the outcome is.

So wish us luck and keep us in your thoughts and prayers, and we would love to hear any feed back you may have for us!